Succeeding at failure…
…Acceptance in all things is the start of new beginnings…
I have said this before and I will say this again.
I consider myself a failure.
I feel I have failed in my career, failed as a husband, failed as a boyfriend, failed as a person, a brother, a son and maybe even a human being at times.
Others see me as a success. I find it hard to accept that. I know the failures. I know my errors. I am ‘cursed’ with exceptionally good long term memory, so can remember every single time I failed in something.
However, one of the most important things I have learned from failure is to accept it, learn from it and to grow from it.
Failure has humbled me as a person.
Not the younglings…
As a teenager I was arrogant. Not confident, just arrogant.
This wasn’t for any particular reason as well. I just thought that I was better than other people. I came from a good background, went to a good school, but I didn’t deserve to believe I was better than others. Over time I started to resent my background and upbringing and so hid yet.
I look back on this time of myself and laugh. It was just a young, unworldly and inexperienced child uncertain of his place in the world lashing out in a way that he didn’t understand.
Here I failed as a human being, not respecting others and not seeing other people as the equals that they are.
However, after several rather significant failures in my life with regards to my academia, I was knocked enough to at least be tolerable…
Stalling in the rat race…
Starting your career is daunting.
Thinking about what you want to do ‘for the rest of your life’ when you’re in your early 20s coming out of university (and even before that, going into university!) is a big deal. This is made even worse now that there is so much additional cost (debt) attached to going to university that ‘failing’ at this decision can impact you financially for the rest of your life.
I fell into my career as an accountant.
I had no idea what I wanted to do. I had studied maths with physics and financial mathematics, was offered a training contract at PwC and then just carried on my way without thinking about it.
I failed at choosing a career.
Don’t get me wrong. I am a good accountant. I am both technically savvy and judgmentally savvy. I think commercially about all decisions and am able to step back and see the bigger picture when needed.
The problem is that I don’t enjoy being an accountant.
And enjoyment is everything.
Happiness in yourself and what you do holds more weight in your life than any amount of money or title (at least in my opinion).
However, I have accepted than failure and made it my own. I have found the aspects of being an accountant that I enjoy and love and emphasise those in my work. I have found a purpose in helping those people starting in professions understand the mental health aspects of the role and how they should care for themselves in a way I never did.
New year, old me…
It’s safe to say that 2017 and 2018 were not great years for me. There was a lot of change and a lot of flux that I had no control over. I said previously that I ended 2018 in a better place than I began it, so whilst there were ups and downs along the way, I still consider 2018 a (net) good year in my life. It’s certainly one I won’t forget.
Through my ‘failures’ over these years I have began to find myself again. This is not to say that I am the same person I was when I was younger and before all this began, more that I have found comfort in who I have become and am genuinely happy with life.
dscvr is launching within the month following my investment into the business. This is an incredibly exciting time and the culmination of two years of hard work. Once we launch I will give an update here on what to look out for.
I am being heavily booked for public speaking and events through Chakra with I believe four to five talks booked before the end of February and a few going in the diary for later in the year.
I am going to be launching an ‘A to Z’ of mental health YouTube series in a joint venture with Zainah from Chakra. This channel will be updated periodically throughout the year with new videos on us discussing mental health in the professions and in general. Again, I’ll send links round once the first video goes up.
There is new content to stream in WoW, so I’ll be on Twitch every Wednesday and Thursday night for the foreseeable future as Famous take on Battle for Daz’alor.
Things are on the up.
That doesn’t me there won’t be downs. It doesn’t me that I won’t struggle with what happens.
It also doesn’t mean I’m alone in any of this.
That is my acceptance of my life, and that is my new beginning.
I hope you can find your new beginnings.
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